Rape Defense Class 0 Mac 1.

Over the years the "girls" as I refer to the alters (yes I know there's one that's male but we never hear from him so I just refer to those which we have regular experiences with)have done a ton of things.
To date. This is still one of the funniest in my opinion.

Last year Mac decided that she wanted to take a women's self defense class. At the time she was already taking a private boxing class and had been told that she could only spar with the teacher because she beat the crap out of all the women (and men) in her class. Needless to say she really didn't need to take a self defense class but she thought it was necessary in case they covered something she hadn't already learned.

During the class their teacher would provide them with vivid imagery of what they could expect during an attack. Unfortunately, alters don't do imagery.
At some point he asked for a volunteer. Of course, most women are shy when it comes to volunteering so I'm sure the teacher's options were limited but there's one girl who will never fall into that category...lucky him.
Of course he picked Mac.
As she walked over to him he continued briefing the class on what he would be doing and then planned on telling them what they needed to do afterward.
Teacher: Okay Mac, I'm a rapist, now, try to defend yourself as best you can.
Mac: *suddenly extremely defensive*
Teacher: *grabs Mac from behind attempting to bring her to the ground* "Come on don't bother fighting or I'll use this knife"
Mac: *struggles for a moment trying to get her footing* "NEVER!!!"
Teacher: *laughing but keeping his grip tight*
Mac: *breaks her arms free, flips her body around to face him, knees him in the balls, upper cuts him in the head, and pushes his now nearly limp body to the floor*
Teacher: OKAY OKAY!
Mac: I'm NOT GOING TO LET YOU RAPE THESE WOMEN!!!!
(at this point I'm sure the teacher was most definitely a bit confused)
Mac: *body slams him* "HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYAH!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Teacher: EXERCISE OVER EXERCISE OVER!!!
Mac: *pins teacher to the mat on the floor*
Teacher: *plays dead*
Mac: *gets up and looks at all the shocked women in the room* "Any questions ladies?"

Eventually the teacher got up and for some reason decided it was a good idea to continue with class as if nothing had happened...a decision I'm sure he regretted in short order.
Teacher: Okay everyone, let's assume, once again, you're alone. Me and my friend here are ready to mug you as you're walking through a parking lot to your car. I'm going to take everything you have, and I have a gun.
(This time, the teacher thinks it best not to ask for a volunteer and selects a very meek looking woman. The exercise begins)
(Teacher and 2nd attacker descend upon aforementioned woman)
Woman: *screams attempting to play along*
Teacher & co.: GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY!
Woman: "I don't have anything to give you!"
Teacher & co.: NOW!! OR I'LL HAVE TO USE THIS GUN! *Grabs woman*
Woman: *struggles unable to get free*
Now, mind you, this entire time the rest of class is just staring watching the exchange waiting to see if she's able to get free.
Well, clearly that wasn't what Mac thought to be the "right" thing to do.
Mac: *Pushes through the group of people and grabs onto guy #2*
Guy #2: (having previously seen what happened to his colleague moments ago decides to wave the white flag, so to speak...)
Mac: DOES YOUR MOTHER KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING FOR A LIVING?! ATTACKING INNOCENT LADIES!??! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!! THAT POOR LADY THOUGHT SHE WAS COMING TO A SELF DEFENSE CLASS AND NOW YOU WANNA ROB HER?!!? WELL...THAT'S JUST NOT HOW IT'S GONNA GO DOWN!
Guy#2: OKAY OKAY! I'LL LEAVE HER ALONE!
Mac: TOO LATE, SAVE IT FOR THE JUDGE!! *puts him into a sleeper hold*
Guy#2: BUT IT WAS JUST AN EXERCISE!!
Mac: THIS IS HOW YOU EXERCISE!?!? MAYBE THAT'S WHY YOU'RE SO PORTLY!
*instantly drop kicks guy #2*
*Guy#2 stays down* Good decision.
(Mac runs over to damsel in distress)
Mac: I'll save you ma'am!
*Mac grabs teacher and throws him to the ground*
*Teacher gets pissed and decides to fight back* Bad decision.
Mac: ooooo kitty can scratch!
*Teacher grabs Mac and pushes her back to the floor*
Mac:I'll bet you thought you had it alllllll figured out...you were gonna rape and mug all these nice ladies here with this supposed self defense class. Well let me show you a little Texas Justice.
*Mac headbutts teacher kicks him off of her and then grabs him standing him straight up on the floor*
*Trips teacher over her leg and throws a right hook at him on his way back down to the mats*
Mac: BET YOU DIDN'T EXPECT THAT!!
*Mac restrains teacher*
"SAY YOU'RE SORRY!!!!!!!!"
*Teacher's voice is muffled from the mat* "I'm gsdfgdkjhasd"
Mac: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!!
Teacher: *lifts head a little bit* "I'M SORRY!"
Mac: GOOD. CONSIDER YOURSELF NEUTRALIZED.

After this class Mac informed us that she was kindly asked not to return to this self defense class.
She then told my husband that she thought it was crazy that "these people are hiring rapists and muggers to teach these things".