Bliss....?

This past week was the absolute longest week of my life.  Everything sucked about it. Everything, and I'm not exaggerating. 
Went to court in an effort to fight a bullshit ticket I'd been written only to find out it was just a day they round up a bunch of people, feed them a video to scare them out of pursuing their case, make you sit for four hours, then tell you come back in two months to do it 2 more times at your expense.  I mention the "your expense" thing because they recently passed a law here that cops will be compensated for their time and if they aren't scheduled to work at the time of your court date you get to pay THEIR overtime. Disgusting isn't it?
They make it as drawn out and painful a process as possible for the citizen so that you just throw up your hands and give up. Time is money.  Who has 3 extra days of work off? No one.  Anyway. The entire court thing was a joke.
Next topic.

Right now I feel like I'm lacking stability, I feel like I need to accomplish so much to prove myself to...everyone...or at the very least, myself.
I feel restless, anxious, and I decided to do something about it.  Lately I've been trying to do breathing techniques, take some "me time", do things that I enjoy, cleansing my life of negative energy.
I want to live my life lighter, less bogged down by the trials and tribulations of work and home.  I have also begun to commit myself to dealing with my demons from the past.  Every single box of memories filled with traumatic events, pain, anger, frustration, abuse...
For now, I'm doing this on my own, mostly because the alters hate going to Dr.'s and I try and avoid causing needless turmoil in our family.
The alters trust me enough to know that I'm not trying to get rid of them and that I'm simply trying to process the things in my life that I've blocked out and shut myself off from.
The weight of the past has finally slowed me down and is, in my opinion, the reason I struggle so much now with dealing with stress. 
I'm always on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop out from the sky and fuck up my world, as if freaking out about it helps anyone.
I've got a long way to go but each day I take an hour to myself to either de-stress by writing, painting, reading, etc. or talk myself through what I remember from the past. 
I let myself cry, I ask my alters to write to me and tell me about the things I've blocked out in order to deal with it...whatever it takes to deal with it and move forward.
I have to say, each day I feel like I've lost another 10 pounds of baggage off my shoulders.  It's liberating!
The hard part is, at the end of the day I'm so tired I can barely sit up and lately my husband has been getting on my nerves.  I love him, but recently he's been about as useful as a third nipple and we keep squabbling over stupid crap. Gah.  It leaves me feeling sad and uneasy just because I'm working soooo hard to deal with things and then at the end of the day I'm pissed at the one person I care about the most. 


And if all of that wasn't enough, last week ended up costing me money that I should've been making but people just flaked on me and unfortunately I didn't get paid.


I guess I'm hoping that if I write all this crap down that I'll be able to let it all go and give this week my all.
*deep breath* 
*breathe out*


And voila ! You all have been part of my processing ...process....thingy.
I should probably rename this "journey" I'm attempting to go on...I'll work on that.
-Divided Mind-