Numbing the pain...and having a great time doing it.

I have had an off week. I'm finally letting go of all of the expectations I had for my life.  For my life as it's defined by others.  Officially and presently flying by the seat of my pants.
Everything has been a stressful mess ball for a while now.  I was bound to become burnt out. There wasn't another solution or option.   Perhaps I'm not depressed, in fact I doubt that I am.  Perhaps I'm just in need of complete freedom from the stresses of life.  Just a deep breath and a few hits of smoke and I'm whisked away from the tragedy, the family that isn't a family, from reality.
About time, I've been trying to find a way out so hard my mind gave me "personalities" to help me make the trek up the mountain.  But they are so busy lately all I feel I have the energy for is to sleep.  I'm meeting strangers who already knew one of "me" ...it's scary.
They're making "friends" with too many people, I can't keep them straight nor can I pretend to be them in order to escape or understand...because I have no idea how they act or come across.  What is offensive to the stranger in front of me?  What words should I be exchanging with him? How can I get off of the roller coaster? How can I maintain peace and balance in my life? Is that even possible here? For me? No.  Never.
Strange as it may seem sometimes it's a relaxing feeling to know if I'm having a horrible indescribably difficult day...it will soon end.  I'll fast forward. Blink. And then it's over...the pain is gone, and the day is done.
Eve is in love with someone, a female stranger I know she'll try her best to avoid me ever meeting so as to deter me from having the chance to end their tryst.  Mac is becoming more independent every single day and is always her best source of entertainment material. 

Ava will never feel truly at ease with any series of circumstances I will try to erect...her lust will not be slaked.  OE takes the word "living" to the extreme, testing limits and pushing her way through society like a bull in a China shop. 
So you can see, easily I'm sure...why I am so drained, so completely ready for an emotional vacation.  I'm giving in and letting the alters have their time out so I can get some deep seeded rest and a lighter sense of living.  Nothing will be poisoned by time, money, or emotions....complete isolation from time itself.
Freedom.
-Divided Mind-