I didn't expect much from my father...and I never asked anything of him than just to be my dad.
I realize that he doesn't understand or care to understand why I've severed ties with my mother. I've never asked him to take my side as my father nor have I asked him to try and get my mother to "fix" things between us.
I just wanted a relationship with him and for him to respect my decisions no matter what they are or why I've chosen them.
Well, my birthday was two days ago, and over the years (24 of them to be exact), my parents ALWAYS called together on my birthday. Always.
It's for this reason and in an effort to be the better person that I continued to call my mother on Easter and on Mother's Day when I didn't owe that to her. I did it because I loved her and cared for her feelings, more than my own as history has shown.
On the morning of my birthday when I didn't see that they'd called I assumed both of them were busy and they would call later...that evening I was beginning to feel like they weren't going to call and that ended up opening up a whole discussion with my husband as to our feelings on the subject.
I haven't spoken with my father since he told me to make up with my mom while I was on vacation after his mom passed away. He told me he would call in a couple days but never did.
And the worst part about all of this is they BOTH know my birthday, if they forgot the one day in my entire life that affected them then that's even worse, but I know they haven't.
It took a concerted effort NOT to call. And my father by not calling me on his own has really shown me that all the years I spent trying to make things work with my mom in order to have a relationship with him was really truly a waste of time. If my husband EVER EVER told me not to call my kid on his birthday I'd pick up my cell phone in front of him and call to make it clear that come hell or high water my child comes first. End of story.
But this is a very clear gesture that he's thrown in his lot with her and taken a side, her side, instead of choosing to have a relationship with his daughter.
It's really disappointing. I didn't see this coming because of the efforts I had made to call on holidays to my mother that I didn't expect them to give me a slap in the face like this. I was unprepared. I purposely didn't send the letter I wrote to them just to avoid something like this so there literally was no provocation at all.
It really was the nail in the coffin for me.
I expected more from my father, more than he's able to give me, which is unfortunate. It's unfortunate because I have my whole life ahead of me to live, an entire future with my husband that I wish I could share with my dad...and maybe at some point with my mom...maybe. They're in their 60's so it's not like they're knocking on death's door either and so they will have to live every single day without having the joys of being in their grand kids lives. And it wouldn't be because I want to stick it to my parents but rather because if they can't respect me and have a relationship with me then I'm not going to allow them to spend time with my children. If I can't trust them to respect our rules and simple respectful boundaries then there's nothing I can do.
I hope things improve for us in the future but in the meantime I've got Jeff's wonderful family to lean on and who love me and support my husband and I.
I also have wonderful friends who are supportive and who remembered me on my birthday which was a welcomed surprise.
Thank God for them, it really helped me survive what would normally be quite an emotional breaking point.
I'd also like to thank all of you out there, your support does not go unnoticed and is truly deeply appreciated.
-Divided Mind-
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