When I'm done. I'm done.

A quality I truly relish in others, might I add.
I tip my hat to people who know when to call it quits or say enough is enough. Even if I'm on the receiving end, the finality of it all is in a way comforting. At least I know where they stand and I can respect them for saying so.

The friend I'd mentioned in and earlier post who'd broken up with a guy that turned out to be a real son-of-a bitch has really taken the wind out of me.
Ever since she asked for a break, he's given her everything except a break...so she decided to make that a breakup. Unfortunately, though her words about the subject reflected finality, her actions seemed like she was wavering.
For me, if a man hits a woman, under any circumstance, you need to take your bags and move as far away from him as possible. There is never. ever. EVER. an excuse to put your hands on a woman in anger. Period.
But, like many abused women, she trivializes it upon reflection. At times, when he's not texting/calling/or showing up in places she would be, she has clarity, she realizes he's bad news and seems to move on, but when he does contact her (nearly every day) she says she feels confused and torn."

Today, he sent her a box and within it was a horse bridle she wanted along with a picture of them together and a 10 page letter. These past few days he's been texting her and calling her but due to the fact she hasn't responded, this of course was his plan B. If I'm being honest, the moment she told me she had something to tell me, I knew, it had to do with him...because she'd been acting weird and withdrawn, which, because she went through some drama a little earlier in the day (not related to him) I assumed was just her exhaustion. She told me he sent her the box and when I asked her if she was going to send it back, she told me she was "unsure" and that she "would probably send it back but I dunno" . Me being the momma bear type- quickly swept in to remind her that this was a game he's playing to get her back. That he was doing this to bribe her and that it had nothing to do with love. Had I been thinking clearer I would have told her that if he'd sent a check in the amount of the bridle rather than the gift, would it have changed her mind about staying away from him. I know in that case her answer would be no. I told her that he's just trying to buy her back and he has yet to respect any and all boundaries she's tried to put up.
Since she hadn't been communicating with him this was just another way of trying to get her attention. I further informed her that if she kept the gift that it would only mean that it had worked and that there was hope for him to repair things.
Her friend at work is also going through a breakup. Her ex fiance cheated on her and gave her cancerous cells via the woman he was banging on the side. When she talks to him or sees him...she's alllll messed up again. And so tonight, I told my friend that if her friend from work had received flowers from her ex, the first words out of HER mouth would have been "well did you send them back or burn them?" so at this point, I have to say, I was disappointed that there was any hesitation in sending the bridle, picture, and letter back where they came from. To me, it was simple, I don't wanna be with him, I'm not going to sell out, I'm done, send it back. But because this particular gift might have been the "right" gift, she's considering it. I spoke candidly and explained that if she kept it her actions would then be contradicting her words, or rather, lack of words, and the message she told me she wanted him to receive which is "I'm done, I'm over us, you need to be over us too and move on with your life".
Like I told her, eventually, he will give up. You don't know, this could be the message he needs to say "okay, it's over, I need to move on she's really done".
I've been there for her, taken her out, kept her busy, kept her happy, got her hair done, makeup done, took her out on a night on the town to see how much fun she could have BECAUSE he's not around to stop her, and I just have to hope that that was enough.
Before, all she wanted from him was to try, and he had almost three years to do so and didn't aside from him hitting her. Now, he's searching his mind for all the things he said "no" to before, and trying to make them yes's to win her back. Once he's got her back he'll go back to saying no again. He hasn't changed anything nor will he and anyone can see and has said that she is better off without him.
As her friend, I just simply can't watch him hurt her anymore (or watch her allow herself to be hurt for that matter), and what started out as general distaste for the situation she was in, has now become a roller coaster and has made me loathe him. Well, for my own sanity, I'm getting off the ride.
Like my friend who's seen all this has said "you need a break, you need to tell her we're here for her and we just want to see you happy, and since all he does is upset you we can't watch anymore." We'll support whatever she decides to do but if she does go back to him we're women of our word and we're not going to watch him be with her and hurt her. She knows where we stand because we were really clear that if she wants to be with him then that's her choice but we cannot watch her be with him and that when they break up again we'll be right here waiting but now we're done talking about it." My friend, much like me is a face value straight talking sort of person. Neither of us play into the games that many women like to play. And I just think that if I take myself out of the picture my friend will decide on her own what SHE really wants to do and she can let us know.
I just can't waste all this time getting involved with shit that I cannot possibly fix or resolve. I've tried staying out of it aside from being there for her when she needed someone, but this has just completely drained me and I just cannot continue the constant ups and downs. I don't want to manipulate her like her family does, or upset her like he does, I just want her to make a decision that she's comfortable with and live her life.
I love her very much and hope that she does decide to stay away from him and move on to a happier life without him but who knows. In the meantime I need to focus on being positive and my own life, that right now is really complicated enough on it's own.
Ahh it does feel good to put all of that down. I have a journal but I feel as though the tapping of the keys just releases some of the tension in my head through my fingers and out into the deep cyber universe. Cheap therapy.
-Divided Mind-