"But I want a duck with a top hat"

Eve picked the font. She says it "looks sophisticated and makes it look like what I'm writing matters."

Mac wants a duck, in the worst way. She has for months and we cannot seem to get her to understand that A.our dogs would probably eat a duck B. we live in a residential neighborhood and there's no where for the duck to live C. Ducks don't wear top hats.

For Mac this is not sufficient reasoning.
She's constantly trying to trap the neighborhood chickens that somehow end up in our yard. Like I said, we live in a residential neighborhood where chickens and other such livestock should not ever be HOWEVER one of our neighbors doesn't seem to understand this nor does he care to stop allowing his chickens to get out of his backyard (they fly, waddle, etc). I'm guessing he eats them too because it's always different types of chickens. Totally wrong. On a couple of different occasions I've come outside to see what my dog was running around about and barking about and it's these chickens which in a couple of cases he's gotten into his mouth and thank God has never chomped on (soft mouthed dog I guess). I'm an animal lover and so seeing my yard full of feathers is a pretty traumatic experience for me and the chicken.
That's where Mac comes in.
She actually decided to keep the aforementioned chicken and decided to feed it "chicken food" which consisted of bran cereal flakes. When my husband asked what she was doing she said "Ruby's hungry!"
My husband, mind you, has seen some weird shit in our time together so having a chicken in our backyard was neither alarming to him nor bothersome, aside from the fact he didn't want the chicken to get eaten by our dogs. His response? "Why are you feeding a chicken bran cereal?: Mac "Chickens love bran" Him "okay...why are we feeding someone else's chicken?" The conversation continued as follows:
Her: Because your fathead dog tried eating her and I'm sure she's burned alot of calories by running around the yard!
Him: Okay well don't you suppose that means it's too dangerous for her to live in our backyard since the dogs come out here to potty?
Her: Um, last time I checked your dogs can shit anywhere, the backyard, the front yard, the house, that lady's house on the corner with the Mexican who mows her lawn outside and inside the house...
Him: *laughing* okay well we need to return ruby to her home, don't you think her owner's miss her?
Her: NO! She's mine, my Ruby, she's special, and c'mon "B" (that's what she calls my husband) you live in a city, clearly she must have flown a far distance, I'm pretty sure God was out of ducks and that's why he sent me a chicken and I'm keeping her.
Him: I think God would want the chicken to live.
Her: Well if that were true he wouldn't have made them taste so good with barbeque sauce.
(Hard to argue with that logic)
Him: Okay...tell you what, if she's here later then you can buy CHICKEN feed and leave it in the yard for her but I just want to prepare you, if the dogs come outside, she will prolly fly back home.
Her: Don't sass me B. I don't like sassing.
****dogs come outside****
***chicken runs around the yard for a minute***
***dogs are too slow to catch the chicken***
***chicken flies up into our ONLY tree in the yard and decides to roost there for the day***

I'm not going to lie, we all got a little attached to Ruby. And no, my dogs didn't eat her, like I said, animal lover here.
For about three days every time the dogs would come inside Ruby would come out of the tree, pick at the ground (actually she did seem to like the cereal) and when the dogs would come outside she'd hop up to her makeshift nest. She ended up abandoning the property when a cement truck passed by the backyard scaring her into another neighbors yard. Mac actually tried to go retrieve ruby but she flew further away and the rest is history. After mourning the loss of Ruby Mac was hell bent and back on board with getting a duck. She was convinced that we were just being unreasonable and that it was perfectly normal to let a duck live in your bathroom tub.
She was so firm in her beliefs that about a month ago I missed work because of it.

I showed up at a feed store where I normally go to pick up random horse supplies and tack. However, this time I showed up and had no idea why I was there. Checked my phone, realized I was supposed to be at a client. cussed. and stood there staring into space for a minute waiting for one of them to come back and finish whatever they came for...that didn't happen.
The next day I mentioned where I'd shown up to my friend who asked me why I'd just STOPPED talking to her while texting and she said that they sold chickens and ducks there. Perfect.
Mac later admitted to trying to buy a duck and said I busted her operation by showing up as if I have any ability to come back when I want to haha.
At this point I'm not going to lie, I half expect to see a duck in my backyard any day now. I know when they've made up their mind they've made up their mind, and no, I'm not thrilled about it because it would mean more problems trying to return said duck and break said alter's heart. I just HOPE she waits until I can get some property and she would be able to HAVE a duck...but if I made all the demands/decisions we really wouldn't be here to begin with.
The delicate balance continues...
-Divided Mind-