Absence

It's been a while since I've had the time to update.
I guess the hardest part of life lately is finding any time where I'm not working or doing something for my family, the wedding, or trying to sleep- unsuccessfully I might add.

About a week ago Mac started lashing out because I've been spending so much time working or around people she couldn't come out around that she decided to trash the house. By the time I finished cleaning up after her, she came back out to tell my fiance that she had missed her shifts volunteering at the library twice already that week. Unfortunately, when I actually live my life just for myself and fiance even if it's just for a week the alters tend to make it more than obvious I've interfered with THEIR lives. It's like taking 10 people, putting them in a room, all of them from different places, with different interests, preferences, etc. And then saying "Okay well screw all of you, you can stay in this room until I'm done with my life"
In MAC's case, she feels rejected, lonely, bored, and angry (I'm guessing since she trashed my house and all). My friend who she's closest to has been busy as he's recently taken up a new career and has been working long hours on a big project. By the time he gets home he's so tired he just crashes and goes to sleep leaving no time to call me or the alters in the evening. Since we're both typically night owls, it had been a ritual for him and I to talk every night. But now because we've both been so busy and there's a time difference between where he and I live...the extent of our communication has been through text message. I, am understanding of his new limitations and of mine but the alters...not so much. They're used to talking to him every night, he reads to them (and me), and knows them all on a personal level so they know they can trust him and be free around him even if right now it is just on the phone.
To make matters worse, they've been avoiding coming out almost entirely around my fiance, which is never a good sign because that means they're either out around people I don't know, or doing things I don't know about alone. I could tell myself that they're just not coming out at all, but that's like telling someone the sun won't rise in the morning, it happens every day.

Furthermore, if they're mad because they can't come out during the day because I've been surrounding myself with people they can't talk to, that only leaves the night time, after my fiance and I go to bed.
I can only imagine what they've chosen recently to entertain themselves.
After all, that's how MAC made friends with a neighbor of ours she refused to introduce us to because she knows we don't approve.

Sometimes when I'm driving in our neighborhood someone who I've never met will wave to me as if they know me or try stopping me on the street.
A group of teenage boys always wave to me and when my fiance asked her about it one day she told him they play basketball together and she's good at dunking.

But here's the friend of hers I'm most concerned about:
She had met some guy a few months ago while wandering the neighborhood walking one of our dogs. This guy (his name is Rob), apparently talked to her, befriended her and now hangs out with her late at night because HIS WIFE doesn't want her around. In fact, MAC has had some run ins with his wife already. Mac doesn't understand that it's not totally innocent on Rob's part, if for no other reason than he's now still seeing Mac behind her back. Apparently his wife works nights as a bartender somewhere and he works days as an accountant for different companies. So, in the middle of the night, she goes over there, they play XBOX 360, talk, drink beer, and lord only knows what else. Mac says that they're just friends and she's not looking for a boyfriend...but has presently explained that him and his wife are having problems (what a surprise).

A couple of weeks ago, I was driving home from work with my windows down and a friend in my car and a gentlemen saw me and waved from the street saying "hey mac!"...my stomach fell out of my chest because I just knew it was him. I didn't have the balls to stop because I don't know how she acts and where to start. I just glanced around to see if he was near a house, and of course, he wasn't. Later on, when my fiance mentioned it to Mac, she admitted that that was him and that I almost "blew her cover". She's told us that they're very good friends and he and her have never done anything physically. She also disclosed to him that SHE has D.I.D. and he's met one of the others already. She said that he doesn't know about me, and that he thinks that SHE is the host personality not me. She doesn't want to "complicate things" by telling him about me and my life.
During the days he had off, he used to take her to her "job" at the library which he thinks she actually gets paid for but in reality she just volunteers. If that's not bad enough, he bought her a car which he does not drive and his wife is unaware of, so that Mac has something nice to drive around. Apparently he leaves it somewhere, picks Mac up, they drive to it, and she drives it wherever she wants.
I would have questioned the existence of the car and did I might add, until one day she slipped up and I came out sitting in a parking lot with a strange man next to me in front of a shopping plaza, closest to a craft store. I didn't want to act confused, and I couldn't speak because I don't know what her voice sounds like or what she might say and at that moment he had been talking about an upcoming trip he was taking. I turned up the music for a second so he wouldn't notice her absence, or my discomfort, and within a minute or two which felt like forever, she kicked me out and that was it.
I will say this, I'm pissed. She drives a BMW. A NICER CAR THAN MINE! Brand new, fully loaded, looks like a special model too. And she won't share because she says it would only be a matter of time before my fiance and I busted her and ruined their friendship.
No guy, buys a car, for any woman that he looks at as "just a friend". Unless he's an idiot, especially when her job is right around the corner.
*taking a deep breath*
Anyway, as of a couple of days ago, Rob was away on a business trip and Mac didn't say when he'd be back, but him being gone, her best friend being busy, and me interfering with her daily schedule ...is a recipe for disaster.

Today is my day off so I'm trying to keep my errand list short and have a relaxing day. Maybe if I take more time out for myself and slow things down a bit the others will find a balance again.

Hope all of you are still reading, I will make more of an effort to blog more often and not leave such big gaps between posts. This can count as "me time" can't it?
-Divided Mind